I came across a case whereby a girl was assessed to have mild intellectual disability when she was a toddler. However, for some reasons the parents put her in minstream school, where she was haunted by taunts and aggression meted out by bullies for 5 years straight. When her parents finally took her out and put her into a special school, she had turned into an aggressive girl who would hit her peers and teachers when threatened. Now, from a mildly intelletcually disabled girl with loads of potential to integrate into mainstream society, she has become a very low functioning individual who requires help even in the simplest tasks.

I talked to my mother about this and she revealed that actually in mainstream school, she has seen parents who are so in self-denial that they insist on putting their child who clearly has intellectual disability into a mainstream school, probably just so that they feel good about themselves, that their child does not have to mix with the stupid in a special school. The end result is, of course, the child suffers developmentally and emotionally. When a child's potential could have been nurtured in a special school to cater to their needs, he/she is permanently disabled just because they have lost those valuable, formative years of their lives.

Today in the Sunday Times, there was a story that revealed the lengths at which parents took to ensure that their average child could enter the gifted program (GEP) in school. This included tuition fees amounting to almost S$2000 a course just to ensure that the child is able to spot the questions in the GEP exams and answer them correctly. Some parents felt that if a child is average, there is no point in being exam smart because ultimately, to get in is one thing but to survive there is another. Clearly, many other parents think otherwise.

It's all about their own selfish self-esteem. My child MUST be the best so that I can boast in front of the world that I have a gifted child. My child MUST NOT fail in any way cos that shows the world that I am incapable of nurturing a gifted child. What do you mean think about the child? I AM thinking about the child! It's all for his own good! He must force himself to become the best or else he is not worthy of being my child. I, ______, am capable of producing a genius and I will prove to the world that exactly that will happen. What do you mean he'll have a breakdown and go mad? What do you think my child is made of, huh?

Fact #1: More and more children are seeking psychiatric help precisely because of breakdowns suffered by the need to meet the academic expectations of parents, schools, teachers, Singapore.

Fact #2: Statistically, most child protegies do not grow up to be of anything great, and some even turn to the wrong side of the law. They somehow just outlive their geniuses.

Fact #3: A person's IQ level is static. It will not change whatever you do. If you have an IQ below 70, this means that you need special attention and forcing yourself to accomplish what a person with an IQ of 100 can do would be nice but is totally unrealistic.

When will parents ever learn to accept their child as they are? Self-denial will only lead thier child into terrible emotional and developmental traumas. So what if a child manages to get into the GEP just because he spotted the correct questions? You think he can last the demands of the programs? Wouldn't it be more detrimental to his self-esteem if he is forced to drop out because he turns out to be just average?

Geniuses only exists in a very small percentage of a population, from 0.1% to 0.5%. If your child does not have the making of a genius, then stop whining about why your child is average. Nurture them within their abilities and the rewards will be much much more than if you push them in areas they just are not capable of handling.

I pity these children.