My friend wrote this in regards to what I posted earlier...

"...with regards to Vincent's casual conversation....I think the point is not that you have to take the road less travelled or going against social norms and be deviant to be happy but that you only have one life, your own, so make it worthwhile...do the things that make you happy or for your life to be worthwhile to yourself....not your parents, your friends etc...If your path to fulfillment lies within social norms....by all means...It's just his personal testimonial that his dreams lay in more the "unconventional" ..

In any case, what are social norms ? who determines what are acceptable social norms? By whose yardstick do we measure that you are or are not within social norms? does it matter that you are or are not?

I think my point here really is that do not be over-concerned about what others think about YOUR life and what you do with it..."

The following was my response...

"I totally agree with what u said..."only have one life, your own, so make it worthwhile...do the things that make you happy or for your life to be worthwhile to yourself....not your parents, your friends etc...If your path to fulfillment lies within social norms....by all means...It's just his personal testimonial that his dreams lay in more the "unconventional"".

Probably I'm still stuck in the traditional mode of thinking. I believe that, especially in relation to our Asian values, the individual is tied to the collective. Meaning that it is not possible to really live your life for yourself and only for yourself. At some point of time we have to be accountable to the people around us, especially our loved ones, those who have taken pains in bring us up and nurture us into who we are. I'm not disapproving with Vincent's decision, I feel that it's people like him who bring hope to the arts scene in boring Singapore and vibrance and vision to ordinary people like us, which is why I admire. However, it takes a very different mindset to be able to have that confidence and courage to go ahead and make such a decision, which is why it probably will never happen to me.

Our lives do not happen in a vacuum. Likewise, our choices are not made in a social vacuum. All life choices are contingent on the opportunities and constraints of social structure and culture. Like what is always being emphasized in counselling - understanding the culture of the client is one of the keys in the helping relationship, whether it's the individual's personal culture, or the society's culture. Our cultures shape who we are. Yes, there may not be a definite yardstick for so-called 'social norms'. But we all know it's there, and we all know what their manifestations are when we seek to identify them.

Therefore, "do not be over-concerned about what others think about YOUR life and what you do with it...", this is something easier said than done, for me that is. If I know of someone who is able to do that, I give him/her my full blessings. Because I respect the individual, and will not judge the individual according to my perceived 'norms'. "