That heading was what I wrote in Facebook.

After all that trouble, inconvenience, hassle and that big, big emotional roller-coaster ride... It's done. And I'm still in disbelief.

Much of that disbelief has actually given way to a host of other emotions like a little bit of excitement and a lot of fear and uncertainty.

I have been accepted to study at La Trobe University in Melbourne, to do the Graduate Diploma in Art Therapy, which I hope makes me eligible to take the Masters in Art Therapy...

I know I'm the kind of person who needs an impulse to pull me away from my comfort zone and do something really different and meaningful. It works sometimes but sometimes it doesn't. I'm just afraid that this was one of those impulses which bore out of the work environment which had become appallingly bitter recently. What if I am in fact, not yet ready?

I'm excited at a moment, thinking of the new experiences awaiting at the other side, yet I can't help but think about the life I would be leaving behind. My mum told me one day that she took a nap, and then awoke and suddenly thought - Pearlyn's not at home now. She doesn't say it but she's probably heartbroken that her sheltered little lamb is going out on her own. That breaks my heart too.

And Miki, my dear dear Miki... I'm afraid she would leave this house completely once she senses that I won't be around for a long time. The least I want is for her to be exposed to danger outside, ending up with a fate like Ginger and Blackie. Yet I know she's a wild cat by heart.

Then there's the logistical nightmare - how do I settle my accomodation? My daily living? Will I make friends there? Will I be able to catch up? Will I fall into depression... again?

So many emotional attachments and concerns holding me back. Yet at the same time, I understand the need for me to do this. I could have done this in Singapore at La Salle, the only school that offers a Masters in the field but is relatively new. However, listening to stories from friends who have lived, studied and worked outside of Singapore has convinced me that if I have the means, why choose to stay and be a frog in the well who depends on the Discovery channel to know about the world beyond my home? I'm not past 30, am unattached, have the financial means, have no other commitments... This is probably the time to venture and see what the world has to offer.

It's just that, fulfiling this is no easy task - both emotionally and logistically. There are still many hurdles to clear.

It's times like this that I feel like I need a hug... Whoever it's from. Someone who can give me a big squeeze and tell me it's gonna be fine.

Nothing in particular to write about, just feel like doing something... grounded...

I asked the agent casually how good are my chances in getting into the Uni, he said if my chances weren't good, they would have rejected me outrightly. Now that they're making me go through so much procedures may indicate that they are considering my admission and just need to get the formalities out of the way.

If it's true, I'll be out of Singapore by Feb 2009.

Not sure if this has anything to do with it, but I have been feeling out of touch with reality today... Like... I totally don't exist as an entity of society...

Urgh... incoherent gibberish again. Here's Monty Python to pep things up...

The famous Lumberjack Song performed by Michael Palin in the first season:

Does anyone know how I can make my own cabochon accessories, particularly those where I can embed my own pictures inside, such as these types below...



If you know how to make these or know of any online tutorials for these, please post them in the comments! Thanks a million in advance!

As you know, I've recently changed by blog layout. Got the template from the web, though I can't really remember which website it's from :P. Anyway, quite pleased with it, with a combination of 'eden-sque' drawings and a quirky note-book layout.

Still exploring the features. Hope this one's a nice change from the old layout which I had since 2006 :)

Events in Mumbai are chilling and horrifying, while events in Bangkok are frustrating and terrifying.

We were blessed by evolution to develop superior cognitive skills. Seems like all we did with these abilities were to become blindly indoctrinated by beliefs about who should rule over who, and what should happen to those they think are inferior to them.

Animals don't kill because one species does not share the same beliefs as another. So what if animals don't have the brain capacity to, speak, create technology and change their environment for the betterment of their species? In many ways, they seem to be better off then us humans, who with our so-called superior brains have chosen not to survive but to kill and destroy.

How f**kingly stupid we are....

Humans have single-handedly caused the extinction of many species of animals by precipitating global warming. What use is there to live in a world with only humans?

Humans have gone on and kill millions and billions of people throughout the world just to ensure that only one belief rules the earth. What good is there when only you kill off practically everyone else in the world?

Self-destruction. That's all we have led ourselves to.

I hope the seige at Mumbai will end soon, with the hostages safely reunited with their families, that justice will be served to those who, in their delusional state, have caused so much destruction and suffering.

I hope that the seige at the Bangkok Airport will also end soon, that people will finally wake up from that delusion of theirs before yet another senseless killing spree occurs.

I hope all acts of terrorism will end. We don't need another war.

Humans never learn, do we?

Amidst discussion in the news about inconsiderate behaviours on Singapore's MRT train, someone wrote to mypaper via sms to complain that he (or she?) sees ladies putting on make-up on the MRT. Then, about a week later, mypaper published an article that featured a campaign by the Japanese express train company on considerate behaviours. One of these was featured below...




Men who can't seem to keep their legs together while sitting and taking up valuable leg space in the MRT? Inconsiderate. Commuters not giving up their seats to pregnant ladies and elderly people? Inconsiderate also. Commuters leaning their entire back against the poles thus depriving others from holding on to them while the train is moving? Inconsiderate, I'm sure. Blasting techno music in the MRT? Super inconsiderate. Allowing their children to sleep lying on an entire row of seats? Oh, inconsiderate, most definitely. Cutting nails on the train? Very very gross and inconsiderate.

But putting on make-up on the train? Why is that so inconsiderate? How bad can that be?

I sometimes am guilty of putting on make-up on trains as well, especially when I am constantly on the move and need the precious time where I can finally sit down on the train to touch-up on foundation and lip-stick. Of course I don't go to the extent of curling my eyelashes and doing elaborate makeovers on the train, though I do see some ladies who miraculously are able to do so.

But still, where is the inconsideration in doing make-up on the MRT trains???

I don't spill my foundation all over the place. I don't make loud noises when I am applying lipstick. I don't make huge movements as I quickly pat my nose with a handy mirror right in front of me. Does that bother people so much???

Why not focus on parents who allow their kids to play monkey bars in the trains? Why not focus on pesky teenagers to blast techno music in the train or discuss how they 'sabo' their friends as if everyone in the train from one end to the other is really dying to know? Or how about focus on commuters who magically fall asleep once a pregnant lady walks into the train? Or maybe even young couples who make out in the train?

Really, how does watching a lady do her make up offend people?

Gosh, so many people must have been disgusted by me as I patted my nose.

This shrinkable plastic art thing is becoming a little obession for me :P Figured I'd make use of this obsession to make personalize trinklets for dear friends in this time of economic woes...



Although I do wonder... With the amount spent on the materials (money and time), would it have been no better than buying ready-made items...?

Let's see now... Can't recall the actual prices (shows how bad I am at budgetting...) but I think this is about how it goes...

Shrinkable plastic sheet (1 pc) - approx. $3.40
Arcylic paint (6 primary colours)- approx. $3.50
Colour pencils (24 colours) - $2
Jade-coloured glass beads (pkt of 8) - approx. $5
Accessories (tiny rings and wires etc.) - $3.99

I already had the marker and the pliers from a long time ago and dug out the key-chain rings from some old drawer, so I won't count them in...

So in total, I paid almost $18.

Actually not that bad, considering that I still have surplus material meaning that I still have about 5 more accessories that I can make out of what I have left (taking into account also wasted material from trial and error). Which comes up to... say... $2++ per item...?

Not bad... May actually start trying out accessories-making like earrings and stuff from beads and crystals now that I've got some experience from the key chains and know where to find the basic materials. In fact, my next 'big' project is to replicate a side of a pair of earrings which I lost. Sad... it was a nice pair. Now I'm looking out to see if there is anywhere that sells Tensha beads which makes up the main attraction of the earrings.

One thing's for sure though, when it comes to accessories-making I am quite hopeless. I actually do have some skills in performing basic 'repair' work on accessories and simple modifications. However, when it comes to designing... I'm no where near these ladies below who have done some really impressive work with accessories...

1) OchaCream by Mia



I love most of her designs which I find quirky, whimiscal yet classy all at the same time. The moment I set eyes on her accessories I immediately realized that this was kind of design that I love the best. Only problem though, is that her accessories tend to be quite expensive. Of course not expensive as in $100 to $1000 kind of expensive - an average price for a necklace costs about $40 to $50, while the earrings costs about $30 to $40. To me, I usually only purchase one item on an occassional indulgence.

Nevertheless, even if I can't afford them they are still nice to look at :)

Mia is sometimes invited to set up stalls at bazaars that sell exclusively indie brands. In the recent Singapore Arts Festival, she was invited to set up a stall as well. Great if you do manage to catch those cos it's always nice to be able to touch and feel before buying. However, stalls are not commonplace for OchaCream so it relies mainly on online purchasing.

Buying from OchaCream was my very first experience with buying stuff from a non-MNC website (eg. Amazon). Response was very prompt and so was the delivery of the items. You can choose to get it delivered via registered mail (more expensive but more reliable), or via normal mail. Either way, the item is packaged nicely in bubble-wrap and a personalized plastic pouch by the time it reaches you.

Payment can be made through funds transfer for local addresses.

One thing though, I have come to find that sometimes the pictures on the website give me an impression that they are quite large, only to find them a little smaller when you see the actual product. This despite the fact that Mia always takes photos of her charms on the accessory beside a Singapore 1 dollar coin. Maybe it's just me...

Mia is in fact a theatre practicioner and is still active in the local theatre scene mainly as an actress. She does customizations as well.

2) Birdsnestfern by Huey Eng



I came across this website after receiving the owner's card when I was attracted by her stall at a bazaar in SMU. Compared to OchaCream, Birdsnestfern has a range of accessories that are much more affordable, with earrings, necklaces, bookmarks and other items priced between $10 to $25. Birdsnestfern also has the occassional burst of generosity where the owner, Huey Eng, gives away freebies or offer discounts or other goodies. Wonderful marketing ploy.

Still comparing to OchaCream, the materials are definitely less exquisite than that used by Mia, which probably explains the lower prices. However, the whimsical element is what lures me the most to her products. Despite using more ordinary beads and charms, Huey Eng's talent shines through in the way she combines these items into a complete accessory. Huey Eng also does a lot of wire-work, but personally I find those less appealing. But then again, this is just one person's opinion. Nevertheless, mainly because of the affordable prices and unique artwork, I do find myself buying accessories from Birdsnestfern rather frequently. In fact, I have not had the motivation to buy from ordinary accessories shop since I discovered this website.

Perhaps due to her schedule as a student with exams, term papers and all, her response may be a little delayed at times. Nevertheless, Huey Eng never fails to deliver. She has been quite contactable via email, and is quite comfortable engaging in small talk over the email as you confirm your purchase and stuff.

Payment is made through fund transfer only.

The interface of her website is of course not as sophiscated, but it does its job nevertheless. Unlike at OchaCream where you fill in an order form, this one relies on emails for orders and subsequent correspondences. Only complaint about her website is the "non-enlargeable" pictures of the accessories. However, the actual product almost always meet the expectations. I have worn a few accessories from Birdsnestfern to work before and they never fail to attract positive attention from my colleagues.

Huey Eng is a student at NTU so exams and term papers do get in the way of her response when you order or deliver. Nevertheless, she is thus far reliable. Huey Eng has even been featured in at least newspaper before about young entrepreneurs. She does customizations too. In fact, I had her customize a bracelet before and she was very responsible in sending me photos of the product at various stages, and very patient in listening to my uncertainties about the outcome and explaining why she chose certain charms and why she made the accessory in a certain way.


There you go! Not sure what to buy for Christmas? Check these websites out then!

Picking up from my last post, I admit I am biased in my opinions of local educational institutes. And I'm talking about a personal level here.

Everytime I meet up with old schoolmates they always seem to have such fond memories of being a student. How nice it was being in school! How terrible the working world is!

Frankly, I have never thought so.

Somehow school for me has never come across as being as carefree and enjoyable as many would have put it. In fact, just thinking about it I realize that I don't have any fond memories of school at all - primary school was too distant, secondary school was too painful, JC was... well, ok, some good memories there but not fond. And Uni? Uni was just.... I don't know, I was probably walking through Uni like a zombie, with a little memory of how it was when I had a mental breakdown and had to seek the help of the school counsellor.

But working life... It has it's ups and downs, with more 'downs' these days but at least the 'ups' were real and fulfiling. For the first time in a very long while I have finally discovered my niche and learnt to embrace who I am and what I possess - be it personal qualities, talents, families and friends.

Of course, it has a lot to do with the people that make up the organization. I'm sure there are also those organizations which run on survivor-of-the-fittest mode, where using despicable means to an end is encouraged. But at least when I entered this office, there were those who were willing to take a chance with me, those who were willing to see beyond my less-than-average academic abilities and allowed me to embrace my interest in exploring how best to help the people we were helping. Despite voices of doubt from all around, there are still those around me who see the potential in what I did.

In short, I am feeling alive now (aside from the lack of love lurking in some obvious places).

But school? I don't believe it was a mere case of growing pains. Things that happened have affected me so much that talking about it now still makes me cry, even if it is in front of a total stranger.So yeah, I have a deep sense of disdain for the Singapore education system. Sure, it produces results, which is why Singapore institutions only believe in nurturing those who are already outstanding. Sure, every now and then an article comes up about how someone beat the odds in getting a scholarship, or does something extrordinary despite being underprivileged. But don't get too excited - one person in the whole population doesn't tell you anything about the way educators churn out exam-smart scholars but conveniently leave the less abled behind.

For a long time I believed that my IQ was actually sub-average, that I didn't belong in a mainstream school but in a special school. Of course this was affirmed by my school teachers' attitudes towards me, who just couldn't seem to stand the thought of having me as their student as I'll bring their class' grades down.

I really wonder how I would have turned out if I had not found this job by a stroke of luck?

So for now, school is a time of my life I refuse to look back on. I'm looking ahead.

Apart from some aspects, I do enjoy the major part of my work - really. Pay may not be great, but at least you feel that you are contributing something tangible to other fellow humans who just need that extra help from you to make things better for them.

Yet whenever I receive yet another edition of the NUS Alumni magazine, AlumNUS, social service seems to be a taboo word that is seldom uttered. All featured people belong to prominent industries - IT, Banking, Finance, Business, Research, Bioscience, Medicine... Social Services have no place in their proud line-up of alumni. Thy're probably even ashamed that so many of their graduates have ended up in dead-end jobs like those in the social service sector. Can't feature anyone of them and damage their own reputation as a 'leading' provider of tertiary education.

People in the helping profession are such invisible people in society, aren't we? As invisible as the people we try to help. But don't we contribute to the society as well?

Maybe it's because local education has numbed our ability to relate to humans. Sure, one natural disaster and aid pours in, one article about a poor destitute old woman living in awful conditions and people donate. But actually facing up to the reality of being in a world of humans who come in all shapes and sizes is not something many seem to want to do.

Recently a newly-appointed high-ranking personnel previously from the commercial world talked to us about how society is changing and we should learn to do things differently. He explained how in his previous jobs they communicated effectively through email without ever seeing each other and everything worked out perfectly well. The same goes to the future of our sector.

How convenient. Where will social services go then? Perhaps eventually they'll be no more face-to-face counsellors who would provide you with personal warmth and genuine care and concern in your darkest days. Perhaps eventually, the only way to seek help for your personal problems is through the email, where help comes 3 days after you commit suicide in the form of words on the computer screen.

Many people just do not understand the social service sector. And because they don't understand, to them social service is like a road-sweeper - just keep the trash out of sight from our perfect society and that's all you need to do. How difficult can sweeping away 'trash' be?

Not when the 'trash' is human. It takes so much more to work with humans than many think. I know that not only because I am in social service, but also because I was a 'trash' before. Yet few actually appreciate what we do, and even fewer are willing to try and understand what we do. They expect miracles, but are not willing to give recognition to the work.

A thinking fostered by education? I'm sure. Since when do you see schools inviting people from the social service sector to give career talks?

I admit I'm extremely biased against the local education system. Whatever it is, the social service sector is an invisible part of society that everyone needs but few are willing to acknowledge.

That's why I said - where is the love?

People in my life - my work, elsewhere around me... They have indeed got me questioning...

Where is the love?

Compassion is no longer worth mentioning. In a money-minded world where failures are scorned and success is measured by your wealth, where self-esteem is derived from attaining selfish goals and weakness in character is revealed by showing compassion...

No more love in this world.

No more love for the disadvantaged, no more love for the upright, no more love for those who protect.

Where do we go from here?



Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?

Compassion and graciousness are no longer treasured values in today's world. Certainly true in Singapore, where children are brought up thinking that they're at the centre of the Universe.

There was also an article a while ago online where in the United States, people had complained that there were too many wild horses. Their solution? Simple. Let's just kill them.

http://www.todayonline.com/pdf_open.asp?id=1508VOL042

What good is there in a world where only human beings are left?

I stumbled upon this cover story on Newsweek...

Young, Gay and Murdered.

It's a common but pressing issue that's plaguing our society today... The media has been more accepting of sexuality issuees. But while it caters well to the mature adult audience, how about the younger ones who are faced with raging hormones but have yet to develop the cognitive capacity to understand how they should deal with these unusual feelings?

And there we go again - guns in schools! How easy it is for an immature youth in the States, blinded with rage, to obtain one and use it? And they're still protecting the "right to bear arms"?

Tragic.

Dancing

I just realized that I haven't mentioned this one bit on my blog. However, during this time, I have actually completed Salsa lessons from Beginners up till Intermediate 2. Decided to join salsa dancing with my friends from Spanish class and frankly I've been enjoying it :) I'm not that good, still lots to learn and lots to practice, but I'm proud to say that I've been managing the footwork pretty okay. Really need to work on my spins though - as the number of spins get larger my sense of balance has been getting worse.

Keen on moving on to Intermediate 3, but the timing of the next course isn't too ideal for now. Meanwhile, some classmates have talked about trying other styles especially Bachata before the next course commences at a more ideal time. But seriously speaking, if there happens to be any 'hum sap lou' (dirty old, or even young, men), I wouldn't wanna go ahead with Bachata due to its extremely close proximity in dancing, like what is demonstrated in this video. I've tried Bachata before when I danced at Union Square, where the latin dance jams are held every night. But only with my Salsa instructor whom I have trust in. I'm more interested in trying Latin Cha Cha, actually, but it won't be much fun if you don't know anyone at class. Well, we'll see where this goes.

Clase de Espanol

Yup, I'm taking a break from Spanish classes again after having completed the Lower Intermediate level. Our last teacher was not too good, unfortunately, who took us for part 2 of the course, and my classmates and I felt that if it was going to go this way in the later levels, we may not gain much from it. Also, I needed a break financially, after spending quite a bit on salsa and kickboxing lessons. Not to mention that after salsa class we would head down to Union Square for practice which charges $6.40 per entry PLUS I have to take a cab home after that as we would be there till after 12mn.

Anyhow, back to Spanish lessons. We're looking for alternatives now. Nevertheless, we have agreed to meet every fortnight for our own study sessions in the meantime.

Kickboxing

Kickboxing lessons have been halted as of this week as according to the CC, the instructor is unwell and has been hospitalized. Wonder what happened? Hope she's fine.

So yeah, from having quite a lot of activities since a few months ago (Spanish lessons, Salsa, kickboxing), I'm suddenly left with none as of this week. How bizarre!

Felines

One of my female cats, Miki, has decided to ditch the life of a rooftop cat and become a 100% domesticated cat. She's sleeping on my lap now, causing some strain to my legs but I'm enjoying having the kittie curled up against my tummy snoozing away :).

Movies (you think I'd miss out this topic??)

Of course, Dark Knight is on my priority list right now! Oooo... how I miss seeing Christian Bale on the big screen!

Still looking forward to The Fall and hope it comes to local cinemas this year. Speaking of Lee Pace, Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day looks like something I'd like to watch too, also starring the wonderful Frances McDormand and Amy Adams from Enchanted. And I'm also absolutely looking forward to the Bob Dylan biopic - I'm Not There.

Urgh... How can anyone fall sick twice a month?!

I've never taken that many days of MCs since I started work...



Ooooo... It's a rotten feeling...

Death has been all around me lately. Sudden deaths and deaths from illness. All young persons who should have been allowed to savour life more rather than depart to the realm beyond our world. In the 1st 2 weeks of 2008, 3 people I knew had passed on from cancer, of them a 41 year old executive who had breast cancer in the prime of her life, who fought diligently and fiercely yet lost the battle in the end, leaving behind her husband and her 1-year old son. She had no family history of cancer, and was only in her late 30s.

Then just a few days ago, a line dancer whom I have seen around but don't personally know died all of a sudden from a heart attack. He was healthy, no issues whatsoever. But one day after line dance class, he felt unwell, took a cab to see the doctor, then took a cab home after obtaining some medicine from the doctor, and died in the cab. He was 56.

I was reminded of the scene at an friend's funeral, who passed on at the tender age of 21 - also a sudden death, this time from an asthma attack who had not hit him in years.

I can't help but wonder... when my turn will come. It's an unsettling thought and a very depressing one indeed. It's just so unpredictable.

And what it if happens to someone close to me?

Perhaps seeing all these has changed my perception of life. Now I believe in doing whatever I want as long as I have the means to, like taking that overseas trip I been longing for, continuing my Spanish language education, taking up kickboxing... I want to take up art lessons as well, explore drama, watch a marathon of good movies, meet the man of my life...

Life is indeed very short. As long as the opportunity presents itself, just do it.

¡Hola! ¿Cómo estás?

It's been a long long time since I blogged, been quite lazy, really.

Anyway, lots happened within these few weeks...

1) Over last weekend, my family and I took a short trip to Kukup, a small fishing village in Johore. It was a nice trip, though one night was really more than enough for us as there really wasn't much to do. Seafood was excellent though, and lots of nice food. The atmosphere was beautiful too, where everyone knew everyone. A nice sense of kampung living.

The only complain I had about the trip was crossing the immigration. On the way back, we experienced the ugly of the Malaysian immigration, where the officers practically barked as us to change our queue lanes again and again simply because they were changing shifts, "I SAID GO TO ANOTHER LANE!" was what one of the ladies shouted at my mother. Terrible. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are really nice people in the country, just terrible to have been exposed to such ugly people at a place that is in full view of foreigners.

2) Took up Spanish again. Finally. Fortunately this class had quite a nice atmosphere where everyone was encouraged to speak in the language without much pressure so hopefully I learn faster...

3) Will be taking up kick-boxing again soon also. Finally doing something healthy.

4) I was very very angry with myself today. Very very angry. I specially made the trip down to Robinsons to buy a Christmas present for my father, and eventually chose a pair of beautiful Da Vinci Crystal wine glasses for him. I jostled among the Christmas-shopping crowd and finally made my way home, hot and tired and thirsty. At home, I wrapped the present, then placed it back into the plastic bag which was then hung onto the wall behind my door, where all of this year's Christmas presents I prepared goes to until they are given away. Satisfied after the arduous quest, I settled down to watch Mythbusters trying to test the myth of nitroglycerin patches exploding when in contact with defibrillators.

Then, all of a sudden, I heard a loud thud, paired with the shatter of glass. At first I thought it came from the neighbour's home. Then, it slowly dawned upon me that it was... GASP... my Da Vinci Cystal glass!!!

My DA VINCI CRYSTALS!!!!!!!

I tore the wrapping open and true enough, one glass BROKE!!!! ARGH~!!!!\

MY DA VINCI CRYSTALS!!!! That was S$36 for ONE GLASS!!!!!!!!

My only consolation is that the other one was still intact. But... MY DA VINCI CRYSTALS!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can I give just one wine glass in a box meant for two?????

That's it, no more presents with glass for others for Christmas. Last year I also dropped and broke the glass face of a watch I meant to give to someone. Fortunately it was an inexpensive one... But this time....

I AM SOOOOOOOO ANGRY WITH MYSELF!!!!! Wasted money!!!! Wasted money!!!!!!!!

Next up... the weather report. Brought to you by Eternal Sunshine pepper sprays - pain and destruction in the palm of your hands!

Good evening. Thunderstorms will be expected in most parts of your work, with heavy downpour and lightning in other areas. Experts have also predicted a hurricane to hit the central part of work in the next few months so workers are reminded to stay alert until further updates. Due to the unpredictable weather patterns in recent months flash floods and landslides may also be expected in some areas of work. Some experts have even talked about the fear of a tsunami hitting most of work and causing massive devastation.

So in a nutshell, the months to come will be characterized by dark and gloomy skies. So step out at your own risk, while experts have also advised that workers evacuate the premise before nature hits.

This has been the weather report, brought to you by Eternal Sunshine pepper sprays - Remember, you ain't got the power to cause pain and destruction until you get one in the palm of your hand!

I came across a case whereby a girl was assessed to have mild intellectual disability when she was a toddler. However, for some reasons the parents put her in minstream school, where she was haunted by taunts and aggression meted out by bullies for 5 years straight. When her parents finally took her out and put her into a special school, she had turned into an aggressive girl who would hit her peers and teachers when threatened. Now, from a mildly intelletcually disabled girl with loads of potential to integrate into mainstream society, she has become a very low functioning individual who requires help even in the simplest tasks.

I talked to my mother about this and she revealed that actually in mainstream school, she has seen parents who are so in self-denial that they insist on putting their child who clearly has intellectual disability into a mainstream school, probably just so that they feel good about themselves, that their child does not have to mix with the stupid in a special school. The end result is, of course, the child suffers developmentally and emotionally. When a child's potential could have been nurtured in a special school to cater to their needs, he/she is permanently disabled just because they have lost those valuable, formative years of their lives.

Today in the Sunday Times, there was a story that revealed the lengths at which parents took to ensure that their average child could enter the gifted program (GEP) in school. This included tuition fees amounting to almost S$2000 a course just to ensure that the child is able to spot the questions in the GEP exams and answer them correctly. Some parents felt that if a child is average, there is no point in being exam smart because ultimately, to get in is one thing but to survive there is another. Clearly, many other parents think otherwise.

It's all about their own selfish self-esteem. My child MUST be the best so that I can boast in front of the world that I have a gifted child. My child MUST NOT fail in any way cos that shows the world that I am incapable of nurturing a gifted child. What do you mean think about the child? I AM thinking about the child! It's all for his own good! He must force himself to become the best or else he is not worthy of being my child. I, ______, am capable of producing a genius and I will prove to the world that exactly that will happen. What do you mean he'll have a breakdown and go mad? What do you think my child is made of, huh?

Fact #1: More and more children are seeking psychiatric help precisely because of breakdowns suffered by the need to meet the academic expectations of parents, schools, teachers, Singapore.

Fact #2: Statistically, most child protegies do not grow up to be of anything great, and some even turn to the wrong side of the law. They somehow just outlive their geniuses.

Fact #3: A person's IQ level is static. It will not change whatever you do. If you have an IQ below 70, this means that you need special attention and forcing yourself to accomplish what a person with an IQ of 100 can do would be nice but is totally unrealistic.

When will parents ever learn to accept their child as they are? Self-denial will only lead thier child into terrible emotional and developmental traumas. So what if a child manages to get into the GEP just because he spotted the correct questions? You think he can last the demands of the programs? Wouldn't it be more detrimental to his self-esteem if he is forced to drop out because he turns out to be just average?

Geniuses only exists in a very small percentage of a population, from 0.1% to 0.5%. If your child does not have the making of a genius, then stop whining about why your child is average. Nurture them within their abilities and the rewards will be much much more than if you push them in areas they just are not capable of handling.

I pity these children.

Been really bad these days, can't control my anger in front of people. As in, I won't lash out but I'd look really disgusted and then uncontrollably sprout one-liner sacarsms and give that disgusted glare at anything the other party tries to do. I must look obnoxious on those occassions. Somehow when things are just not done right I get very very mad and disgusted easily these days, and it shows. Very bad. Of all people I should be the one who knows how to appear nice even when I am angry. Got an image to upkeep, as my mum always reminds me.

I'm turning into a terrible, terrible and ugly person.

Lots of his friends at the wake today said that they had just seen him in his usual fun-loving self barely a day ago, when the news came that he had passed away in his sleep. They said it was an asthma attack that had not happened in years which claimed his youthful spirit.

If only his family had not gone overseas. If only he did not have the habit of locking his room door when he sleeps. If only his best buddy had stayed over that faithful night.

At the end of it all, you just can't fight fate.

But for this to happen at a tender age of 21, this is just too much to bear. It's devastating, and scary, and hearbreaking to even think about it.

The first thing I thought about was his family. How can they cope with such a thing?

But he died with a smile, that eases the pain a little. And if nothing else, I hope he is comforted by the fact that he had so many good friends who stood by him till the end.

I wonder if I would have that many good friends when my time comes.

R.I.P. Cheston.