Fowarded emails can be a pain in the neck sometimes. Sometimes, they're just plain junk, like lame jokes or "pass-this-around-or-else-u'll-get-bad-luck" sort of thing. But sometimes, some really nice stuff makes its way into the mail box, like this one...

*****************

I'll be happy when...

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation or when we retire.

The truth is there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with ... and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting ...
Until your car or home is paid off.
Until you get a new car or home.
Until your kids leave the house.
Until you go back to school.
Until you finish school.
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married.
Until you get a divorce.
Until you have kids.
Until you retire.
Until summer..
Until spring.
Until winter.
Until fall.
Until you die.

There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt, and, dance like no one's watching.

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Thanks YC! A very good lesson for me, though I have a feeling that in less than a day I'll forget all of this and revert back to my old pitiful self, especially when a challange comes again. Truth is, I collapse under challanges. Challanges make me lose sight of myself, stirring up all the bad memories of succumbing to failure, make things like that 'weight-issue' post happen all over again. Wonder when will I ever learn my lesson?

One of the major topics I've dealt with for one of my modules is anxiety disorders. A major theory for anxiety disorders such as social phobia and even obsessive-compulsive disorder suggests that an irrational (usually negative) expectation or assumption of the consequences of a behaviour leads to the perpectuation of the anxiety. For example, a social phobic would assume that he'd make a fool out of himself once he mingles in a crowd, and expects that once that happens the embarrassment that he'll face is more than he can handle, which leads to the extreme fear and avoidance of settings that could potentially lead to this.

I think on a certain level, this is what is happening to me. All the time. In my social interactions and in facing up to challanges (ok, even social interactions are a challange to me), I tend to think of the worst, most catastrophic outcome of it, despite the fact that real life has taught me time and time again that this probably isn't true, that even if I were to slip and fall in the midst of a crowd no one will actually bother to remember who I am or maybe even laugh at me the next time they see me. In fact, most of the time, I dun even know what I'm scared of. Just scared.

Rationally, I know that. I know that one single failure is not gonna brand me for life. I know that making a mistake is not going to be the cause of my downfall (can't say for celebrities though... Oops.). I know that even if people hate me, they're not gonna say it in my face and will most likely have the decency not to embarrass me by saying out loud how annoying I am. But at that moment, the fear just overwhelms me. Which I believe, in cognitive-behavioural terms, leads to anxiety, which leads to even more blunders, which leaves me even more fearful of the catastrophic consequences and finally, the cycle goes on and on....

I wonder when will I really, truly, seriously, actually, finally learn. To learn to be a little more kind to myself and to tell myself that the world really isn't that warp and cynical.

I'm also still wondering how I should balance between trust and caution.

That's why I'm still contemplating my future path as a counsellor. I mean, I have unresolved issues myself and I'm definitely too cynical. How am I gonna be able to handle cases which are gonna be like my own?

Hmmm... irrational beliefs and expectations at work here again, u say?




Ok, end of my "a-grouse-a-day column", cos I wanna go back to the subject topic of forwarded emails.

I'm sure many of you would have received fowarded emails talking about how someone is very sick in hospital and some organization is gonna pay a certain amount for every email which is forwarded? Do u guys actually believe that? I personally don't, at least not whole-heartedly. I dunno, it just elicits that "yeah yeah ok. Next!" response from me. Not that I'm hard-hearted, really. It may be true, but then again it may not be, like the never-ending speculation of whether Kevin Spacey is gay (sorry, just had to add that in cos I was so tickled after reading this really amusing thread on IMDB that was discussing this fervently, when all the original poster did was to ask "is he married" =P). I just dun feel like fowarding these emails.

Or maybe it's just something like charity fatigue, u know, like what's going on in Singapore where charity shows gets churned out one after another. All the time u see the same actors/actresses, teary eyed, exhausted after some death-defying stunt, pleading in front of the cameras for donations to help them reach their target, which is getting higher and higher each year by the way. Sometimes I just think that maybe they're pleading for themselves, you know, like "please! Donate so that I can go home and not go through this madness again!" Seriously, there's a limit to what the audience can take. Putting these artistes thru dangerous stunts is not gonna elicit charitable emotions. It's just gonna make the audience squirm in horror and marvel at the stupidity of it all. It's like a B-grade horror movie. By the end of it you dunno why u even wanted to sit thru it.

Ok, digressed again. Back to the topic: So, do u all believe in these kinds of emails?